But you can see immediately the problem even a well meaning

Oct 12, 2014 || by eayana

The 13 Most Irresponsible Self Defense Gadgets Money Can Buy

canadian goose coat black friday Say you’re yapping away on your cell at the mall, when that burly guy with a surfboard asks you to please kindly shut the fuck up. Little does he know, your “phone” is actually a 950,000 volt pacifier, your ex wife is his current girlfriend, and “you” are actually a schizophrenic and a danger to society. canadian goose coat black friday

canada goose mens jacket black friday Granted, only a lunatic would own this thing. But you can see immediately the problem even a well meaning person is going to have with “The Pretender” cell phone stun gun. She’s driving at night, her real cell phone rings, she digs around in her purse and pulls out her “phone.” canada goose mens jacket black friday

canada goose outlet winnipeg address There apparently is a certain class of inventor who sees something work in a cartoon, then scratches his chin and says, “Why not?” Well, how about the fact that in order for this thing Canada Goose sale to actually fool someone, they’d have to be so far away from it that you’d be safe from attack anyway? Or that it makes canada goose coats on sale it impossible to run away? canada goose factory sale Or that you’d have to not only carry this bulky thing around, but also a case of Cokes in case somebody Canada Goose Parka drops in some change while you’re hiding? canada goose outlet winnipeg address

Here’s a fashionable jacket that will send canada goose store 80,000 volts through anybody that touches your torso. Somehow the people at No Contact have magically engineered this thing so that it won’t shock you if, say, your own hand or face brushes the electrified sleeve during the Canada Goose Online struggle. They did do that, right? Because otherwise this would be one of the most retarded things ever invented.

Once they start mass marketing this thing (it doesn’t say when that’ll happen) it’s just a matter of time buy canada goose jacket until somebody with antisocial tendencies activates it and jumps into a crowded swimming pool.

Ah, here it is. Gosh, what could go wrong with this canada goose outlet imitation tampon Canada Goose Jackets container, that fires out tampons that are actually electrified darts? Nothing that our completely not obscene minds can picture. canada goose uk black friday Nothing at all.

canada goose outlet store uk Once again, this is not a cheap Photoshop prank. It’s a real invention that was, unsurprisingly, designed by a man. canada goose outlet store uk

canada goose outlet.ca Here’s what we can’t figure out: what’s the difference between having a Taser that’s shaped like something else, and just having a Taser that’s shaped like a Taser? It’s dark, you’ve pulled an object out of your purse, and you’re aiming it at your attacker menacingly while screaming, “EAT THIS FUCKER.” The thing could canada goose uk shop be shaped like a rubber trout, the guy’s still going to shoot you. canada goose outlet.ca

We had assumed these personal alarms were meant to make the townspeople come running to your defense, but they seem to be selling this one as a Black Canary style shriek that will Canada Goose Outlet actually incapacitate the attacker.

Note how neatly the wave of sonic doom moves in the bad guy’s direction on the package. That kind of comic book science goes nicely with comic book psychology of hardcore criminals succumbing to a loud noise. Unless you happen to be fighting Daredevil, you’ll be the one suffering from excruciating pain, as you’re the one holding the screecher in your hand.

canada goose bird uk The Pulse Wave Myotron, a little cheap looking device that the manufacturers loudly insist is not a stun gun, allegedly “neutralized brain waves,” particularly those in the “hypothalamic region” that “trigger hostility.” canada goose bird uk

The Myotron made the infomercials circuit in the late ’90s (it was https://www.foekjedillema.nl apparently one of the few infomercials that featured a gang rape) and their website has gone dormant. But you can still get one apparently.

Neutralizing brainwaves sounds like a blast, until you realize the thing actually NEUTRALIZES YOUR BRAINWAVES. Does a brainwave neutralizer seem like something you want around the house? Granted, certain career choices make this prospect more enticing, but unless you write dick jokes at an abandoned warehouse for a living, you will probably want to steer way clear of this particular instrument of doom.

canada goose outlet ottawa If you liked that, you’ll probably enjoy reading about more irresponsible behavior in our canada goose clearance sale article on The Drunkest Generation: 10 Reasons Your Grandpa Could Drink You Under the Table. Or, enjoy an ad for a product that would give that tampon taser a run for its money. And be sure to check out our reasoned and entirely too detailed evaluation of the most pressing question of our time: should teachers bang their students canada goose outlet ottawa.


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